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7 Questions To Coach Yourself To Get Unstuck

Posted by Peter Guess on February 15, 2014 at 5:40 PM

  INTRODUCTION

The following questions emerged recently as I was feeling really stuck, frustrated and uncertain about my next steps in life and business. I do a range of things I love doing from general counselling, life coaching, addiction counselling, website design and online business. Plus I have a passion for creating new products in all these areas! To get a FREE download of this report and a full worksheet please "JOIN ME" on this site via the LIFE COACH HOME page. Just click here. I will send you access to my other FREE motivational gifts as well.


This feeling of “stuckness” is not new to me. However, this time it was accompanied by gradual l oss of clients, lucrative business possibilities disappearing into thin air – after much urgency from the clients, and eventually zero income and overwhelming anxiety about my empty bank account.


The self-coaching process that follows, seemed to come out of no where. As the first question surfaced, I decided to document it for myself. I had no agenda of sharing this as a “breakthrough with the world”. I was trying to desperately find a way forward. And so, the next question emerged as soon as I finished work on the previous one.


Then the next... and so on,  until you get a the sense of closure from the last question.


I then used the process with a client and the simplicity, yet depth, quickly dug into the root issues. The client then asked if I could document it for her to use with her Bipolar and Depression Support Group. The “odd” thing was, I had just finished putting the questions into two documents for my Therapy and Coaching website: the set of questions and the worksheet. I love it when there are signs of synchronicity, so maybe this has a little magic for you.


I think the real magic is not in a given set of questions or steps, but in asking and listening to evocative questions and learning to find the most suitable questions for a given situation. So listen for new questions that come up for you, document them and use them.


QUESTION 1: WHERE AM I TODAY?

  • Thoughts 
  • Feelings
  • Progress from yesterday?
  • Link some facts or events as to why you feel this way 

How bad is this place I'm in? This is a robot system below that I use when a client calls me - including when in a crisis .

1) Green? Stay in gratitude. Keep going, all is OK. Help someone else today!

2) Orange? Some signs to pause, reflect, listen in to self and reassess direction and what to do today. This is when there is sense of unease since you awoke and thoughts remain unfocused and negative.

3) Red? Red is for Risk. Your mind and body may be saying change direction urgently... reach out for help... call your coach, mentor, manager, therapist or health practitioner. This is when depressive or anxious feelings and negative thoughts persist and by end of this process, you have little or no clarity as to how to move forward. Because then you may be psychologically stuck and make random and risky choices to alleviate the symptoms.

 

QUESTION 2: WHAT'S HELPING ME RIGHT NOW?

(e.g. may be a caring friend in your life, a quote you remind yourself of, a song you just heard)

 

QUESTION 3: WHAT ELSE CAN HELP ME NOW?

(e.g. writing something in my diary to do, a journal note, taking massive action, calling a friend)

• Something that supports you and keeps you going and moves you through the day.

• Someone you need to review things with

• A book or quote to revisit

 

QUESTION 4: THE "I WONDER..." QUESTION

This is a very powerful question from NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). It helps shift us from a stuck place or tunnel vision and it also addresses subconscious blockages in feeling and thinking states. This question activates the dreaming “inner child” that is full of wonder and unrestricted by conditions we place on ourselves. Here are some examples to try out and then write down as many as possible, as quickly as possible, for yourself:

• I wonder where this will take me?

• I wonder what I will see when I look back on today, in a few weeks or months from now?

• I wonder what I am learning already, but I’m not aware of yet?

• I wonder what I’m going to learn from this?

• I wonder how the solutions are going to emerge?

• I wonder what I am unable to see right now that is right under my nose?

• I wonder what would happen if...

• I wonder who may have an alternative perspective on this?

• I wonder what’s going to happen next?

• I wonder what invisible beliefs that hold me back, will surface soon?

• I wonder when God is going to show up and help out ?

• I wonder...


QUESTION 5: THE ONE THING?

What is just one small thing I can do today and FOCUS on that will move me forward?

• List or brainstorm as many items as possible – and YES, write them down.

• Don’t do this in your head.

• Get it out so you see it – and best is to write not type it

• I use Post-It notes and stick them on paper or my desk or board.

Then decide on the one action and do it NOW.


THE FINAL QUESTIONS ARE FOLLOW –UP QUESTIONS

Here are the two final questions which I suggest you begin as soon as you start taking any action. These questions close the feedback loop...


QUESTION 6: WHAT ACTION DID I TAKE?

In this section just list the actions you took or list them as you go. I find that sometimes ONE small action has a ripple effect and the next action is there waiting for me.

 

QUESTION 7: WHAT CAN I LEARN FROM THE SITUATION AND THE ACTIONS I TOOK? HOW DID THE ACTIONS WORK?

This is the feedback or final “action-learning” step. I find that the ONE action begins to create momentum and breaks the mental or emotional inertia. And in no time I am putting the other ideas into action and feeling SO much better about myself and the results I am experiencing.

 

As I looked back over the simple process that helped me get unstuck, I realised I didn’t use the “Why am I stuck?” question. I never did this consciously, but I think that sometimes the “why” questions keep us stuck in analysis and the past.

 

Please try out this process on yourself first. Then, if you are a Counsellor, Therapist, Support Group Leader or Life Coach, in any field, I suggest you try it with a client or a group.

 

Please send me any comments on the Contact Me form and let me know how this helped you or a client.

 

To Life and Abundance,

Peter Guess :: B.Soc.Sc. (Social Work)

Categories: Living Life on Life's Terms

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3 Comments

Reply Barb
4:14 PM on February 19, 2014 
This was very helpful. Thank you
Reply Joanne
12:37 AM on February 19, 2014 
I would love a copy of your report and workshop. How generous of you!

Best wiishes
Reply Luis
8:08 AM on February 16, 2014 
Great ice-breaker used it on "group" as a chalk-talk exericise. Request permission to use it in my coaching and give you credit.